Dustin Hoffman marathon!

First of all: I should be supervised. It took me over three hours to get through a movie that was an hour and forty six minutes long.
Going forward, a concerted effort will be made to make this an accompanied activity.

I had these lofty dreams of watching both The Graduate and Rain Man for some weird Dustin Hoffman marathon. It's after 11:00 but I'm sick, so it might still happen...

In the weird bubble in which I've accidentally placed myself, I don't know the difference between Dustin Hoffman and Robert Redford. I still don't. I know who Dustin Hoffman is now, so if I can use the process of elimination, that other photo you might be holding up- he must be Robert Redford. I could be an intelligent and self sufficient adult and look him up...ok. Yeah, they don't really look so much alike, I don't think. But they were born a year apart.

OTHERS I DON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN:
Whitney Houston + Tina Turner
Keira Knightly + Natalie Portman
Pink Floyd + Led Zeppelin
Cowboy Curtis + Howard Stern
Liz Taylor + Liza Minelli
Bon Jovi + Bruce Springsteen
Pierce Brosnan + Every other actor



THIS MOVIE WAS REALLY GOOD. I guess I'm a little late with that review, but more importantly, I feel sort of sad that I've lived my entire life just appreciating Simon and Garfunkel and not having the same visuals the rest of the world may have had.

I'm not totally out of the loop (despite how everything seems based on that horrible list right up there) though, I had some idea about the plot. But actually I had no idea how little I knew. The only part that got a verbal reaction was when Mr. Feeney (sorry I called him that, and also, where on earth do you get an accent like his? I always assumed he was some sort of mysterious European, but I think I read tonight that he's from Brooklyn. He sounds nothing like my Nana...) opened the door and Ben was in that suit! I seriously gasped. The woman had JUST knocked over that frogguy in the fishtank with his car keys like two minutes before, so it made sense but seriously, I didn't see that coming- a diving suit. And that was what got the big response out of me. That's stupid.

p.s. yes- I will gladly watch this again.

3. Back to School

With so many recommendations for Back to the Future I decided to give it a shot.

But guys! I got distracted when, while scrolling down the list of titles, I found a movie called Back to School. It was starring Rodney Dangerfield and all I can tell you about him is he makes the faces I imagine myself making. If I were an older man, I would be so happy to be compared to Rodney Dangerfield.

PLUS- the cover looked like it would feature some gratuitous tan-lines and a plot I could follow, even if I decided to leave the room to move clothes from the wash to the dryer. And there I sat- positively captivated.

I think I've found my genre. I need to know more about this guy and what else he has done.


Opening with the brother from the Wonder Years was a solid move. I recognized the music as Danny Elfman's immediately (thanks to good old Pee-wee) and got so thrilled when he later showed his face. AND HOW THE HELL DID KURT VONNEGUT GET INVOLVED IN THIS PROJECT? I just looked him up and he didn't have a tremendous record of showing up in things. Clearly this is a star-studded cast. The truth is, I recognize the name Robert Downey, Jr. and I'm looking him up right now.


The lesson I've learned with this classic motion picture is: I need to find out if there was a sequel.

Red Bud/Rosebud

This was a funny thing to get!

2. Citizen Kane

I entertained the idea of watching Citizen Kane for a full five seconds from the time the words came out of my mouth until they were shot down.
Apparently that isn't the best place to start, even though it's on the top of every list I could find.

I just said it was at the top and went to cite some sources only to find it at:
#45- imdb.com 
#9- rottentomatoes.com
#52- filmcrave.com
#13- movies.amctv.com
#9- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_films_considered_the_best

Until finally! A list I hadn't seen until just now- afi.com - That one ranks it #1!
I don't even know if any of these lists are reputable in any way. This is a racket.

So people shot it down and suggested I start with something like Anchorman.
And that was the plan until I was talking to this guy about where-do-you-event-begin? and he was quick to offer Citizen Kane. He seemed like a reasonable guy in pretty much every other way and it was a thought I'd already had so it was basically decided.


All I knew about the movie was the word "Rosebud."
If you've seen , which I have, you might have gotten confused and figured this was one of those billions Funny Farm of Citizen Kane references people were talking about.

When the men are driving the moving truck and they say "Hey Mack! How do you get to Redbud?"
And the old man says, "How'd you know my name was Mack?"
They tell him they guessed and he tells them, "Guess your way to Redbud."

I know Redbud and Rosebud are two different words but in my head I guess I just sort of grouped them together.

That right there, that's EVERYTHING I knew about Citizen Kane before going into it.
And it wasn't even right.

People are so quick to tell you that this movie was groundbreaking and changed everything. I can't tell you if that's true or not. I have no idea. There were phrases that I'd heard before (I recognized a whole piece of the movie from a White Stripes song, okay? Geez...)

And people like to tell you that there were lots of interesting things done with the cameras, apparently. I liked how we got to see behind a lot of the men's ears.

There were techniques used there first, I was told. I don't know if spinning headlines and weird newspaper-y shots are what they were talking about, but it definitely felt, in a lot of ways, like  Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (I've seen that one before).


Clearly I don't know enough to know what I'm seeing. It was suggested that I watch this one again, after the other movies are watched. It would mean more then.



(Hey- thank you Sean for suggesting this, making it happen, proving that macaroni and cheese pizza does exist, and putting up with my endless questions and comments.)

1. Les Misérables

Either someone else said it, or I made it up, "Les Mis is a six tissue movie."

With that in mind, I stopped by the napkin dispenser and grabbed a bunch. In our dozen or more years of friendship, Kay and I had never seen a movie together. But we're generally a sympathetic pair and I was nervous about seeing my friend cry, even thought it was going to be dark and we'd both be facing the same direction. I didn't want to hear her either.

I felt like it might be cheating to pick this is at my first movie. I've already seen the play, read (most some of) the book, and am very familiar with the soundtrack. I'll be seeing it on stage next week with my family. But really, I guess this is sort of easing into the whole traumatic ordeal. I realize seeing movies is so normal for everyone else. I've already heard "Fifty movies in a year? Big deal! I watch five in a weekend!" more than once.

And I'm a little jealous of the person who already watches these things comfortably. So I'm starting out easy.

My review of Les Misérables: So many faces. That movie really wanted us to look at people's faces for a long time. I already knew all the words, so this isn't fair. But man--those faces. Long looks at them.

Despite  all the lingering mugs, it was really enjoyable. All you people who kept talking about it weren't just saying things to be nice to Tom Hooper. (I just looked it up- he's the director. Has he done anything else? Does his stuff always look like it was instagrammed twice so you can double the impact of the Walden filter?)

The people seemed to spend an awful lot of time on the roof and on ledges. This made me nervous. Also, I couldn't get past the sunglasses on the woman at the wedding.

This is a quality review.

Fortunately, any noises that we would have made would have been drowned out by the sobbing of every emotionally sound person around us.

When the final scene blacked out, a very woman very sincerely asked, "Is that really the end?" 

On the drive home I listened to Delilah and her slew of sad, sorry callers. They were lamenting loves lost and men given to the war.

I still didn't cry.

The last 40 minutes have been spent trying to decide what to watch first.

I was trying to find a movie that happened to be on tv while I was sitting here, I tried Netflix, Amazon Prime, and searched my sister's DVD collection.

This is half the problem, I think. I don't even know what to pick, what to watch, where to begin.


This is stupid. I have choice anxiety.

A list of movies I have seen

A list of movies I have seen:

Adventures in Babysitting
Arthur
The Babysitter's Club
Beaches
Cool Runnings
All those Disney cartoons
Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead
Funny Farm
Home Alone
Home Alone 2
Honey the Shrunk the Kids
The Jerk
Little Women
The Man with Two Brains
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Overboard
Parental Guidance
The Parent Trap
The Peanut Butter Solution
Pee-wee's Big Adventure
Pollyanna
Planes, Trains, and Automobiles
Rear Window
Romy and Michele's High School Reunion
The Room
Sister Act
Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit
Take the Money and Run
The Three Amigos
Tom and Huck
Wet Hot American Summer
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
The Wizard of Oz



THIS LIST IS SO EMBARRASSING. I SHOULD BE ASHAMED.


(Please let me know if I'm forgetting something...)