Casper- it's Halloween DUH!

Note: I saw this movie 7-10 times in the theater in 1995 because Devon Sawa is in it for a minute. However, not one second felt at all familiar.

Eric Idle and the-blonde-bitch-from-the-parent-trap-who-hit-sticks-together-in-the-sixties are bumbling morons.

The ghost pays his cable bill and also does magic?

Christina Ricci, who is kind of a 90s faux Winona Ryder has to move with her dad because the ghost can play DVR.

They got to a big old house and she snoops around and gets spooked and Casper rings himself out onto her face. Also, she's aces when it comes to electricity.

The three men-ghosts have descriptive names, even though the kid-ghost is named Casper McFadden.

The men-ghosts take CR's dad to some karaoke night and get him waaaaasted. They then murder him. Also, they had bad breath and we're kind of bullies earlier, mocking his line of work even though they don't even have jobs or knowledge of basic hygiene.

Sir Robin gets snitty about sunglasses when the bitch dies and she turns into a sexy ghost with a smoker's voice. All the drama take place in a lab (accessed only by a Rube Goldberg Machine/ride that gets you ready for the day). Ghost dad comes roaring in, all lit up and jerk-like. Then when they link-pinkies he realizes he's gone and messed up by letting slob-men-ghosts kill him at some corny karaoke dive.

This whole time Wednesday is wearing a very sentimental dress over her clothes. Also, she is in high school and is probably 15? Casper is ten and has the voice of a cartoon baby voiced by a nice mom.

When he comes to life ***SPOILER ALERT- SORRY GUYS*** he is like...way mature for an 11 year old. He dances and they float and the other girls give him the once-over and her the side-eye but not because they are floating. No one cares that she is floating with a mysterious kid. Then they kiss and he disappears and leaves her hanging like a boob and the dad is on the balcony talking to the dead-mom who is shaped like a window and looks like a devil and also a knock-off Geena Davis. 

Then the kids get scared because Ricci's smoochin' air so they jet.

The three slobs are back, in leopard smoking jackets and maybe slick hair? And they play lots of sounds for a three piece outfit and Christina Ricci is still wearing that dead-lady's sentimental dress over her clothes and she dances in a circle with her undead dad and child-ghost-Devon-Sawa.

Then c-g-D-S chem-trails "THE END" and gobbles us up.

It's 11:PM and I'm watching Calliou

I can't believe this show exists.

I've heard it's rough, but the narrator might be a ghost-monster, and the neighbor kids come over and they are unsupervised in what I can only call a dream-like state.

JUST LIKE SAVED BY THE BELL.

The babies are all eating mushrooms, which I know is a matter of taste, but how likely is it that you'll find three kids and all three of them will eat mushrooms? One of them hated pizza sauce and the other one hated cheese. Yet all three LIKE mushrooms?

Also, I watched the whole 8:12 of the show and I am 31.

Bridesmaids

For EVER people were telling me that I needed to watch Bridesmaids and I regret not listening to people sooner.
 
The part that makes me sad is how much attention this movie gets for being funny AND by women! Can you even imagine that women are funny?
Duh.
Of course they're funny.
They're half the people on the planet.
Statistically, some of us might be funny.
Also, statistically, some men are not funny.
You guys, we should be so far beyond this by now.

When someone points out that something I'm involved with is, "a funny flock of females," or something equally alliterative, I appreciate it, sure, but I also want to dismiss it so quickly. It cheapens the compliment when it's conditional. Women have been making people laugh for a while. Sure. But why do we need to even address sex?
You're making me feel uncomfortable.
Take the emphasis off the gender and focus it on the joke itself.

Ok- I'll keep going...If a man were pooping in a sink would we be laughing, or would we be grossed out?
I'm a person who was sort of laughing during that scene. It was more from surprise though, than actual amusement. Had a man hopped up on the basin and shouted "LOOK AWAY!" it's very possible that I would have left the room, gagging.

There really weren't any strong male characters in this one. The cop was totally adorable, but he--along withe all the other guys- were just sort of fodder. The whole thing could have been done without them. They were bland and pretty much interchangeable. I'm imagining the whole movie done again, but with some plastic lego men in any role played by a man. Things may have just gotten a little funnier in my head.

And I think it's cheap of women to try to hitch a ride on the success of those performers. They aren't funny because they're female, but now they've got all these girls grasping to hold on and say "that's us!" that's not us. That's them. That's good writers, a talented cast, amazing costume designers. I don't feel liberated by any of it. I feel completely disconnected. I can relate to some aspects, but not because I'm a girl. It's because the themes are universal. That's why the movie was a success. because so many people could connect in some way.

It seems like they (no idea who that refers to...) are trying to make us decide whether women are funny, or men are funny. I want people to be funny. Or people can be kind of dull, and the funny can happen on it's own externally. That's okay too.

I think this goes to show that I need to watch more movies starring Hulk Hogan or geometrical pattern clothed madness.

The week before I watched this, Sam and I decided to cut my hair because the girls on Girls are so young and now I am 31. They don't have real jobs, they wear whatever they want, and they hang around with a guy you can't decide if you like. This inspired us to chop some bangs on my head. She's the only one aside from me (and the very occasional professional) that I really trust to wield scissors.

So now we've got this other movie- and the girls are actually my age- and they have cute hair too.
But we've just hacked some bangs and I'm realizing that if I'm going to watch things with Sam, I'm going to have to have to request less attractive people. Again- more Hulk Hogan. I don't want his hair.
I don't need his awesome style. I can let my own hair grow for a minute instead.


Note: I did like this movie! Apparently this reads like I didn't. I think it's less that I didn't like the way people talked about it. The movie itself, that was funny.

SING!

If someone offers your the opportunity to watch Mr. Nanny and you haven't seen it before, do yourself a favor and take them up on this offer.

While getting this classic piece of cinematic art ready to go, I ended up learning a lot of things.

Do the Right Thingis not Pay it Forward.
Spike Lee is not Spike Jonze.
Neither of them are Tommy Lee Jones.

I am one of the most confused people of them all.

Mr. Nanny was super into the big man in a little chair thing. Hulk Hogan has a real first name (it's Terry), and the little girl from The Nanny was also in Mr. Nanny. They also chose maybe the dumpiest boy of all time to play the kid from The Nanny's brother. Part of me feels really terrible for calling a kid dumpy, but the rest of me recognizes that he probably has a good heart and a bad costume designer. Maybe he was actually very stylish in his real life.

The best part of the movie, the only thing that actually had me laugh and required me to use my inhaler, and rewind to rewatch a bunch of times--it was so funny that Sam took a screenshot- was when the kid turned into a monster and got all demand-y.

When the kid said "SING!" I almost died and Sam made this.

Not exaggerating: two four days later I was by myself in H&M and I thought "SING!" and I started laughing so hard that the woman there probably thought I was trying to sneak jewelry into my pockets or some awful thing like that. They kind of came over to check on me. I'm 31, but I had to run away like junior high.

I'm no exception-

At six this morning I was up and upset because I realized that I'm a dead ringer for Little Lord Fauntleroy.

I don't know the difference between Little Lord Fauntleroy and myself without makeup.

Watching a Movie With Dogs

Two dogs and I sat down to watch Groundhog Day, in honor of Goundhog Day, but we messed up. Somehow we missed the first fifteen minutes. I'm not going to blame either of them because they're dogs, but I'll still say "we" messed up because I don't want to be held solely accountable for this sad fact.

Without having seen the movie, I knew how it would go. It's definitely the only movie regularly referenced on February 2nd forever, and I guess if someone tries to tell you about it, they only need to spend about three minutes, and if you've got a brain, you can just replay the scene with the changes that inevitably happened.

It feels like a joke as I'm typing it, but even thought I've never seen that movie, I swear I felt like I'd already been through it before. Just hearing about it made it so familiar, and it was exactly as described by so many people over so many years.

Missing the first fifteen minutes, I'm not even joking, was a horrible idea. I know the movie basically does the same thing over and over, but we had no idea how it started. One of the dogs just walked out of the room about ten minutes in, and the other one and I sort of sat there enjoying Bill Murray's face and Andie MacDowell's vest for an hour and a half. A genius decided to play the movie all day long on AMC, which would have probably been so great if I'd ever seen the start, but after it was done and was just starting again, I didn't end up watching to see what I'd missed. This was actually a perfect opportunity and I blew it.

I'm going to add to the list of people I don't know the difference between!

I can't tell the difference between Chris Elliott and Daniel Stern.

I sincerely thought that the camera guy was also a Wet Bandit.

Probably the best discovery I had was finally seeing Ned "The Head" Ryerson. I think I've heard that name so often, than when I realized what was happening on the screen I sort of startled the dog with my reaction.

Also, I haven't seen Caddyshack yet, but is the groundhog scene in this is a lot like that gopher scene in that? It sort of reminded me of a better version of the jackalope that Dave Coulier had on America's Funniest People.

Dustin Hoffman marathon!

First of all: I should be supervised. It took me over three hours to get through a movie that was an hour and forty six minutes long.
Going forward, a concerted effort will be made to make this an accompanied activity.

I had these lofty dreams of watching both The Graduate and Rain Man for some weird Dustin Hoffman marathon. It's after 11:00 but I'm sick, so it might still happen...

In the weird bubble in which I've accidentally placed myself, I don't know the difference between Dustin Hoffman and Robert Redford. I still don't. I know who Dustin Hoffman is now, so if I can use the process of elimination, that other photo you might be holding up- he must be Robert Redford. I could be an intelligent and self sufficient adult and look him up...ok. Yeah, they don't really look so much alike, I don't think. But they were born a year apart.

OTHERS I DON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN:
Whitney Houston + Tina Turner
Keira Knightly + Natalie Portman
Pink Floyd + Led Zeppelin
Cowboy Curtis + Howard Stern
Liz Taylor + Liza Minelli
Bon Jovi + Bruce Springsteen
Pierce Brosnan + Every other actor



THIS MOVIE WAS REALLY GOOD. I guess I'm a little late with that review, but more importantly, I feel sort of sad that I've lived my entire life just appreciating Simon and Garfunkel and not having the same visuals the rest of the world may have had.

I'm not totally out of the loop (despite how everything seems based on that horrible list right up there) though, I had some idea about the plot. But actually I had no idea how little I knew. The only part that got a verbal reaction was when Mr. Feeney (sorry I called him that, and also, where on earth do you get an accent like his? I always assumed he was some sort of mysterious European, but I think I read tonight that he's from Brooklyn. He sounds nothing like my Nana...) opened the door and Ben was in that suit! I seriously gasped. The woman had JUST knocked over that frogguy in the fishtank with his car keys like two minutes before, so it made sense but seriously, I didn't see that coming- a diving suit. And that was what got the big response out of me. That's stupid.

p.s. yes- I will gladly watch this again.